Sixteen years ago, my wife, Mary-Jo, was approaching a significant birthday. I wanted to do something special for her. I asked our youngest daughter what she thought her mom would want. She immediately responded, “A Marriage Encounter Experience. Haven’t you been listening to her?” That really caught my attention, as I guess I hadn’t truly been listening to Mary-Jo. So, after a little online research, I discovered that there was a weekend coming up a couple of weeks after her birthday. After checking the UConn men’s basketball schedule and seeing that there were no games that weekend, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and sign up.
When Mary-Jo opened my “gift,” I could immediately see her joy and astonishment. While she had some idea of what to expect, I had no clue, but I could clearly appreciate her excitement.
As the first presentation started on our weekend, I could see a few boxes of tissues placed strategically around the room. I thought to myself, What had I gotten myself into? The weekend was presented by three couples and a priest. At first, I didn’t quickly see the role of the priest, but as the weekend progressed, he became an integral component — not only in a talk about marriage as a sacrament but also in proclaiming that our sexual relationship is a very important part of our overall relationship and part of the joy and unity that God desires for us as couples.
The weekend was a time for personal growth for Mary-Jo and me. We weren’t asked to share with the other couples, which was comforting to me, as I was effectively just starting to get in touch with many of my own feelings, which I had done such a good job of suppressing for most of my life. One of the first talks was about how our feelings were neither right nor wrong, freeing us up to express our feelings in a nonjudgmental atmosphere. We learned about our personality styles and how they influence what we value, what we seek, and what affirms us. Our personality styles also affect our behaviors, both for good and bad.
Another important concept that was presented to us was love as a decision. Love isn’t just something we’re "in"; it should flow into the everyday decisions we make that affect our spouses.
The overall emphasis of the experience was on communication and improving our sacramental relationship. We learned tools that would help keep us connected on a daily basis. The authenticity of the couples and priest giving the presentations was very endearing, as we discovered that maybe the little issues we had been experiencing were common to most couples that had been married for a few years.
By the end of the experience, we had truly gained a deeper love for each other, sharing some of our deepest feelings. Not only was our relationship in a much better place at the end of the weekend, but those tools we were offered have continued to enhance and transform our relationship over the last 15-plus years. Now I knew what I had gotten myself into — a lifetime of love, commitment, and building our sacramental relationship more in tune with what God desires for all married couples.
Worldwide Marriage Encounter is designed to make good marriages better. It’s not for couples looking for a last-chance effort to save their relationship. In those instances, there is a program for couples called Retrouvaille.
I challenge any married man or woman who wants to take their relationship to new levels to look into attending an upcoming Marriage Encounter Experience, whether in person over a weekend or as a virtual experience given over a series of days. A weekend is scheduled at Holy Cross Retreat House in North Easton, Massachusetts, Jan. 24-26.
More information about other experiences can be found on the national website: wwme.org
By Pat McLaughlin
Pat McLaughlin is the retired director of public works for the city of Norwich, and, along with his wife, facilitates workshops that help strengthen marriages.