As we turn the calendar toward Valentine’s Day, our thoughts are often drawn to images of romantic love — heartfelt exchanges, sweet moments with loved ones, and a world draped in pink and red. Yet, C.S. Lewis invites us to broaden our understanding of love beyond romance alone. His book The Four Loves is a profound meditation on the complex, nuanced nature of love, dividing it into four distinct categories: affection, friendship, romantic love and charity. Each offers us a different glimpse into the heart of God and provides a pathway toward living a fuller, more Christ-centered life. Our Catholic Faith calls us to embrace love deeply and expansively, and Lewis’ insights provide enduring wisdom as we pursue this sacred path.
Storge: The humble affection that grounds us
Lewis begins with storge (pronounced "STOR-jay"), the simple, often unassuming love of affection. This is the love we see in familial relationships and among those who have shared their lives in quiet, everyday moments. It’s the love that grows between parent and child, siblings and close friends who have been through life’s seasons together.
Affection doesn’t demand fanfare or grand gestures. It’s the gentle comfort we feel in familiar company — the small acts of care, the sharing of mundane experiences and the knowledge that someone knows us inside and out, flaws and all. In a world that often celebrates the spectacular, storge reminds us that true love can be found in the steady, patient presence of those who have been by our side all along. As Catholics, we recognize storge as the soil in which virtue grows, where humility and patience are developed through the daily acts of love that define family life.
Philia: The joy of companionship
In a society that frequently romanticizes love, the concept of philia, or friendship, is often overlooked. Yet, Lewis saw friendship as a precious gift, a love rooted in shared purpose and deep understanding. Philia is the love we feel when we meet a kindred spirit, someone who sees the world as we do and invites us to walk alongside them.
Friendship is a rare treasure, one that reflects our shared journey toward God. Christ Himself valued friendship deeply; He called His disciples friends, and through their companionship, they found the strength to face the trials ahead. In philia, we glimpse a love that reflects the communion of saints — a bond not born out of necessity but freely chosen, nurtured by mutual respect and encouragement in faith. In the gift of friendship, we find a glimpse of heaven as we journey together, hand in hand, toward our divine home.
Eros: The sacred mystery of romantic love
Eros — the passionate, romantic love between partners — is often what we associate with Valentine’s Day. Yet, Lewis cautions us to approach this love with reverence and humility, for it is powerful and transformative. Eros is not merely about physical attraction; it is the love that inspires a desire for union, a yearning to be wholly known and fully loved.
In the context of marriage, eros becomes a sacramental love, a sacred union that mirrors Christ’s love for His Church. It calls for sacrifice, self-giving and fidelity. For Catholics, eros is more than a fleeting passion; it is a vocation that invites us into a lifelong journey of love and commitment, a journey that demands vulnerability, forgiveness and the grace to love as Christ loves.
Agape: The selfless love of God
Finally, there is agape, the highest form of love, characterized by selflessness and divine compassion. Agape is the love God has for each of us, a love that asks for nothing in return and is poured out unconditionally. It is the love that led Christ to the cross, a love that calls us to serve, forgive and lay down our lives for others.
Agape challenges us, for it is not a love that comes naturally. Yet, through grace, we are invited to grow in this divine love, to extend compassion, mercy and kindness even to those who may never return it. This is the love we see in the lives of saints, those who, in following Christ, became vessels of His boundless charity. In agape, we find our highest calling: to love as God loves, without reservation, without limit.
As we celebrate Valentine’s Day, may we embrace each form of love as a path to holiness, asking for the grace to love more deeply, more widely and more purely. For in loving well, we are drawn closer to the heart of Christ, who is Love itself.
By Andrea DePaola