.jpg)
While bicycling, my husband and I stopped by a pond and noticed a small turtle climbing onto a log in the water. The turtle struggled several times, slipping into the water and trying again before achieving his goal. I commented to my husband, “Too bad the turtle didn’t have someone to lift him up, like we help each other.”
All of us have moments when we are not at our best, are filled with self-doubt, or see situations we are facing as problems rather than opportunities. We need someone in our life to lift us up out of our challenging moods and help us put things in a more positive perspective, supporting us in the way we may need it at that moment. For me, that person is my spouse, and hopefully, for those of you who are married, the same is true for you.
In July, I retired—an unexpected, challenging transition for me. I did not realize how much I would grieve for what I left behind. Having more time to spend with my husband, exercising more regularly, cleaning my house, and devoting myself to our marriage ministry has been great, but it has been difficult for me to let go and see someone else step into my position. Sensing this, my husband has been very patient with me, reminding me of my unique qualities and telling me how much he appreciates the quality time we have had together now that we are both retired.
Lifting our spouse up should be natural and simple for couples to do. It means noticing the positive things your spouse does and expressing gratitude. Never underestimate the power of your words when you say “thank you” to your spouse for something he or she did for you, or giving him or her a genuine compliment without any ulterior motive. It is those pleasant things you do for one another “just because,” not seeking anything in return. It is listening to your spouse, giving them space to vent, and not trying to solve or fix their problems for them.
The Christmas season is fast approaching, a time when we will hear many of the beautiful infancy narratives in the Gospels. When I read these stories, I like to imagine the marital relationship between Mary and Joseph. They never had an easy time of it, and there were many struggles they had to overcome in their marriage.
I think about the two of them fleeing into Egypt to escape Herod’s wrath following the birth of Jesus. Imagine Mary’s horror that night, clutching Jesus, knowing Herod wanted Him dead. Imagine Joseph’s anxiety, wanting to protect both his wife and son from such unimaginable horror. Surely, they did their best to lift one another up in simple ways—Mary didn’t ask Joseph many questions, as she knew he was anxious in not having answers for her; Joseph affirmed Mary for being a calm presence in his life and in the loving ways she interacted with Jesus.
Most important, I believe that as they walked that long trek to Egypt that night, they both silently prayed for the other and for the courage and strength they would both need to face the unknown life that was waiting for them in Egypt. Mary and Joseph set the ultimate example for all married couples to follow—they lifted each other up by loving the other unconditionally, working together as a team, and holding the other in prayer. They set the bar high; may all couples strive to reach it.
By Mary-Jo McLaughlin