The late Pope Francis was a man of great humility and compassion. No doubt he is one of the holiest men of our times. Yet he would be quick to assert that holiness is something every person should work toward and that, with the grace of God, all can grow into it.
Holiness Is for Everyone
In his Apostolic Exhortation Gaudete et Exsultate (Rejoice and Be Glad), Pope Francis wrote: “To be holy does not require being a bishop, a priest or a religious. We are frequently tempted to think that holiness is only for those who can withdraw from ordinary affairs to spend much time in prayer. That is not the case. We are all called to be holy by living our lives with love and by bearing witness in everything we do, wherever we find ourselves. … Are you married? Be holy by loving and caring for your husband or wife, as Christ does for the Church.”
The Daily Work of Growing in Holiness as a Couple
A married couple grows in holiness by working generously and patiently together through the difficulties of their marriage, honoring their wedding vows to love each other for better or worse all the days of their lives. Sometimes that isn’t easy, and there are days when it seems almost impossible. But when we put the work into it, we grow in holiness.
In Follow the Way of Love: A Pastoral Message to Families, written in 1994 by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, we read: “The profound and ordinary moments of daily life— mealtimes, workdays, vacations, expressions of love and intimacy, household chores, caring for a sick child or elderly parent, and even conflicts over things like how to celebrate holidays, discipline children or spend money—all are the threads from which you can weave a pattern of holiness.”
Holiness Comes from the Way We Love
In essence, what our bishops are saying is that holiness in marriage does not come from simply doing holy things. Holiness comes from the way we love. Falling in love with my husband, Pat, was effortless. Staying in love with him has had its challenges over the years. We have had our share of problems and differences, but our love and care for one another have always motivated us to work them out. We have a great relationship, but getting to this point has not always been easy— yet it has been a joy.
Pope Francis says that God wishes to speak to the world through each of our lives. If you are married, then your life includes being part of the couple relationship you share. Therefore, you integrate your path of holiness with the ways you honor the commitment you have made to your relationship. This includes stirring within one another a passion and zeal so that your relationship doesn’t become stale or complacent.
Lent as a Time to Renew the Marriage Vocation
As we approach the season of Lent— a time for self-examination of our selfish tendencies in order to change our hearts and move closer to God—perhaps this is a perfect time for couples to reflect on these questions: How do I need to change to grow in my relationship with my spouse? Do I need to let go of my pride and be a better listener to soften conflicts between us? Are there choices I can make to draw closer to my spouse rather than drift further apart?
Making conscious and intentional decisions to strengthen your sacrament is not ordinary behavior in today’s world. But it is a behavior that can deepen your call to holiness. As Pope Francis so eloquently wrote: “The call to holiness is not a heavy burden but rather an invitation to live each moment of our life with joy and love. Each step we take toward holiness makes us better people, frees us from selfishness, and allows us to open our heart to the needs of others.”