Toward the end of our first year of actual formation in 2004 (the previous year was the year as an aspirant) we were encouraged to ask our pastors for a role in some active ministry in our parishes or elsewhere where we could actively participate.
Our formation was to be directed primarily to “Ministry for the Church,” first of all as representatives of our Bishop and secondly in assisting in daily and/or Sunday Liturgy. I’ll have to admit that exactly how I would serve the Church was an idea I had not fully contemplated when I applied to be accepted into diaconal formation.
It may sound strange but I was more prepared for good and or bad outcomes when I left college after my junior year to enlist and serve in a conflict which had already divided our country.
Questioning one's motives is never a bad idea. But my journey to the Diaconate began with prayer for both my wife Melinda and myself and continues each and every day. All of us are called to serve the Church that Christ instituted through His death and resurrection.
We all just need the clarity of thought to find that service. Throughout the remaining years of my formation, I believed I was being called to prison ministry. I often spoke about it with my spiritual advisor. I knew it would be a challenge but I was willing to accept that fact.
It never happened! It seemed each time I tried to find a path or tried to find the right contacts into that ministry – the door would close. Having been involved in different ministries in my home parish (such as leading bible studies, Spiritual Life committee), literally for decades, I firmly believe that when those doors close it is for a reason. As it turns out one of my classmates did enter prison ministry and is now a prison chaplain.
That did not help me feel any less guilty for not fulfilling what I felt was a promise to my bishop to minister outside the “Church walls.” I did spend three or more years as a volunteer at Birthright but that would end after new restrictions were put on pro-life groups by the state.
Although Birthright had restrictions on “overt evangelizing” in their charter, whenever I had the opportunity to express my faith to a client as to why I was a volunteer (a male in a predominately female organization), I did so.
Unfortunately in another facility in Connecticut one of our volunteers was caught giving out medical advice and Birthright had to begin enforcing all directives on the books. I felt that I couldn’t be true to myself and my faith under those rules.
Then one day about three years ago, I was in a conversation with one of our widowed parishioners and what I heard really struck home. His brokenness and the lonely years after losing his wife got my attention big time.
I realized that he, like many other widowers in my parish, continually deal with their losses – often in silence. There are many programs directed toward widows but perhaps men just feel they should “suck it up” and move on. Either way I felt I needed to do something and after much prayer and talking to my pastor, I stepped out.
And that is how “1st Monday Coffee Break with a Deacon” came to be. A simple cup of coffee (or tea) with other men, not all widowers, has turned out to be what some needed to break up their “personal loneliness” and just share some company for an hour or so.
We gather (now every other Monday) for a cup of “Joe,” some light conversation (well maybe not so light) at Dunkin' Donuts. Anywhere from three to 10 of us meet and it has changed the attitude of all of us.
As long as the “door” remains open, I will continue to be at Dunkin' every first Monday and let God lead the way. I invite any man reading this article who thinks he might benefit from meeting with us to do so. We meet We meet at 10 a.m., first Monday of the month at Dunkin' on Route 81 in Killingworth.
By Deacon Bob Ferraro