Last year, my husband and I said “yes” to a new responsibility in our ministry with Worldwide Marriage Encounter that required us to write 16 talks about different aspects of our relationship in 16 weeks. Whew! It was one of the most challenging and stressful times I can remember in our 34 years of marriage.
For nearly four months, we were totally consumed with writing those talks. When we finished the last one, we celebrated by splurging on a homemade dinner of fresh scallops and a bottle of prosecco to toast our accomplishment. We relaxed, cuddled on the couch watching a hokey Hallmark movie and capped the night indulging ourselves with a bowl of our favorite ice cream. At the end of the night, I said to my husband, “This was fun. We needed this. We should do more ‘fun’ things in our lives.”
Having fun together is vital for couples in keeping their romance alive. One researcher and author for the Gottman Institute, a research-based program for couples, wrote “A successful relationship isn’t the absence of pain; it’s the presence of joy.” Studies show that married couples who regularly infuse playful activities into their relationship find it strengthens their connection, deepens their friendship and creates more optimistic feelings about their future.
While writing our 16 talks, our stress level was high, contributing to some tension and short words between us. Our conversations centered around practicalities and not about us. We were tired, overextended and depleted. Then one day, my husband randomly and impulsively suggested we steal some time away for one last camping trip of the season. I immediately jumped at the idea.
We spent four nights at a beautiful campground on Cape Cod. It was off-season, so the campground was nearly empty and very quiet. We went bike riding, had some great meals, slept late every morning, played cribbage at night and did some line-dancing at a local brewery. It was a rejuvenating getaway we didn’t know we needed until we did it.
That’s one of the keys to incorporating more fun into your relationship: just doing it. Too often, we get hung up on planning what to do. Yet, sometimes impulsive, spontaneous ideas can change our whole perspective. We can create fun at any time. Ordinary moments running errands together can be the catalyst for impromptu fun like singing along with a favorite song on the car radio or stopping somewhere for a sweet treat in between shopping or going out for a spur-of-the-moment lunch at a local restaurant.
Summer is the perfect time to discover and incorporate more fun into your spousal relationship. Pull out a board game growing dust in the closet and start playing it, put an old record on the stereo and dance to it or go to a local park and swing on the swings. Stop reminiscing about the fun activities you both enjoyed doing together when you were dating — like going bowling or playing miniature golf — and set plans to start doing them again today.
It’s so easy to get into a rut in our spousal relationships where routine sets in and excitement steps out. Ignite the spark of playfulness you once had, look each other in the eyes and sing that refrain from an old Fleetwood Mac song, “You, you make loving fun.” And then go have some fun.
By Mary-Jo McLaughlin